Day Thirty

On the menu: baked potato soup with cheese, mashed potatoes, a fudgesicle, and 2 popsicles.

I didn't do my walking yesterday. Everyday after radiation treatments I pick up my mother. We get home around 4:45. I wasn't feeling well on the drive home. I felt really weak and my limbs were jello-y. So my sister watch my son for me so I could take a nap, a too long of a nap. I slept from 5pm to 10pm. I know my body is exhausted from trying to recover from cancer and the fact that I do not go to be sometimes until 3am, and then get up with the baby, which is somewhere between 7:30am and 8am.

Day Twenty-Nine

Today was an ok day. I actually got to exercise some. My "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD is 3 miles, but my lil punkin' wouldn't let me walk all of it. I did 1.5 miles. It's better than nothing I guess. I will go for the whole 3 miles tomorrow.

I need to finish packing up my apartment tomorrow and the rest of the week. I wish I could leave all that stuff there and just start over. Every time I go there it makes me cry. One min I'm happily married, the next minute my husband gets a girlfriend and leaves me when I need him most....And now I'm a struggling single mom. Life is so unfair. I keep wondering when it will be my turn be happy. Right when things are going well, something tragic happens. I know that God has a plan for me....I just wish I knew how it will end up for me.

I started my radiation treatments back up today. I have 3 more weeks to go. I've been loosing weight at a rapid pace. Last Thursday I weighed myself on my own scale since I did't go to treatments Thursday and Friday last week. It read 290lbs. So today I asked the nurse if she would weigh be to be sure my scale was reading right, because just on the 16th of Feb I was 302lbs. Imagine my surprise when I weighed in at 287lbs. The nurse threatened that I would get a feeding tube if I lost too much weight. WHATEVER! I'm an definitely not anyone that is starving or hurting for food...LOL!

On the menu today was: chicken and dumpling soup with saltines, two protien meal replacement shakes, and two popsicles.

Day Twenty-Eight

Still under the weather. My baby was away at his fathers this weekend. I tried to do a little laundry, but the pain killers I'm on make me a little loopy. So I only got 2 loads done. I did get in a lot of television....LOL!

I ate chicken and dumpling soup with saltines, green tea, rasberry tea, and lots of water.

Day Twenty-Seven

More of the same. I didn't do a thing today. I'm still not feeling well. I hope that will change soon. Today I had broccoli and cheese soup, For dinner I tried eating some chicken and dumpling soup. I didn't have much of an appetite, so I only had a few spoonfuls.

I'm going to take a pic with my son, since I hit the 20lbs mark. I have no pictures of us together besides the ones from when he was born...and I looked a mess....LOL! I have to think of some more treats for myself as I hit different goals

Day Twenty-Six

I've been gone for a little while. I've been feeling so icky the last few days.....barely getting out of bed besides to feed and change the baby, and going to treatments. Yesterday I felt so bad that I was going to skip my treatment. So when I called to cancel the nurse asked me to come in anyway because my voice was horrible. She told me the radiation would make my voice hoarse by I have absolutely no voice. Turns out that I have an infection. The dr prescribed some antibiotics, and told me that my treatments would resume on Monday. I'm hoping this will help relieve some of the pain I have been experiencing. I'm not able to drink cold beverages. Funny thing though....I'm still able to tolerate my popsicles and ice cream.....lol....YAY! So I'm sticking to the soups, and mashed potatoes.

Today was supposed to be weigh day, but since I didn't go to the doctor today, I used my own scale...which reads pretty close to the one at the doctor's office. I'm down 12lbs!!!!! I'm too uncomfortable to be happy about it....lol. I'm finally below the 300lbs mark. I think my BP medication allowed me to release some water weight.

Day Twenty-Two

No exercise today. Sunday is supposed to be the off day on my training schedule. Not that I couldn't have walked....I just didn't. I'm still feeling crappy. I have a feeling that it will continue until radiation is complete. I slept most of the day.

I didn't eat enough today, because I feel hunger pangs right this instant. Today consisted of chicken and dumpling soup with 10 saltines, mashed potatoes with cheese and ity bity pieces of chicken, and 2 bowls of Edys Slow Churn light ice cream.

Day Twenty-One

The world must be coming to an end! I actually got of my behind and exercised today. And you know what? It wasn't all that bad! I did my "Walk Away the Pounds" 3 mile DVD. I feel really good about finally doing something. I'm still tired. But I forced myself. I didn't want write another entry about how lazy I am. One day down...a life time to go.

Today I ate 1 can of chicken and dumpling soup with 10 saltines, 1 can of cream of chicken soup with another 10 saltine crackers, and 2 (yes I said 2 again) bowls of Edys Slow Churn Light ice cream. One strawberry and the other neopolitan. I really need to get some healthier stuff in my stomach. I'm thinking I will buy some V8, and start drinking more meal replacement shakes...they have the vitamins that I'm sure I'm lacking.

Day Twenty

Hey it's me the broken record again. No exercise, and I'm still tired. My throat is killing me. I don't even want to drink water. Today for breakfast I had tomato soup with 7 saltines, and green tea. For lunch I ate a bowl (salad bowl) of garlic mashed potatoes, and for dinner I had a can of reduced fat cream of chicken soup with one cup of minutes rice mixed into it, and diet Snapple Plum-a-Granate iced tea. For dessert 2 (yes I said 2) bowls of Edys slow churn light strawberry ice cream. I swear the heavens opened up, a magical light beamed down upon my face, and the angels sang...ok maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but that ice cream was Deeeelicious!

I don't recall if I mentioned exactly how much weight I want to loose, and the amount of time I'd like to do it in....so here goes. My goal is to loose a total of 142lbs. Which would put me at my old fighting weight of 170. Or get down to a size 11/12...which ever comes first. I'd love to be this weight or size by June sometime (approx. 19 weeks from now). Is that realistic I don't know but I'm going to try...but I'm not going to kill myself doing it either...if that makes any sense. I'm going to take advantage of the fact that I'm not able to eat too much. If I can just get off my butt and get moving. I found a plan to follow that "teaches" you how to run 30 minutes straight in 10-12 weeks. I'd love to be able to run like that. If I could reach that fitness level it would be great. I don't think I would have a problem maintaining a healthy weight.

10 Week Training Plan

Before you start with this schedule, get your legs ready with eight days of walking: walk for 20 minutes a day for the first four days, then increase to 30 minutes a day for four more days. Now you're ready to begin with week one.

Each week of the program, do your run/walk workouts on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday, and take Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday off.

Week 1 Run 2 minutes, walk 4 minutes. Repeat five times.

Week 2 Run 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes. Repeat five times.

Week 3 Run 5 minutes, walk 2.5 minutes. Repeat four times.

Week 4 Run 7 minutes, walk 3 minutes. Repeat three times.

Week 5 Run 8 minutes, walk 2 minutes. Repeat three times.

Week 6 Run 9 minutes, walk 2 minutes. Repeat twice, then run 8 minutes.

Week 7 Run 9 minutes, walk 1 minute. Repeat three times.

Week 8 Run 13 minutes, walk 2 minutes. Repeat twice.

Week 9 Run 14 minutes, walk 1 minute. Repeat twice.

Week 10 Run 30 minutes.

**Note: After completing week 9, if you feel tired, repeat this week of training before moving on to week 10.

This looks simple written out, but to actually do it is a whole other story. I'm sure of it. I will begin tomorrow. I think I'll start out doing 30 mins every day alternating with my "Walk Away The Pounds" DVD. To anyone that has read my past entries...you probably think I'm nutzo, considering I haven't hardly walked to my mail box even, in the last 20 days...LOL! I am an all or nothing type of gal. Which part of the reason for my lack of enthusiasm during this weight loss journey. Hey "D" maybe you will be able to join me on one of these days???

Day Nineteen

I am sooooo tired today. These radiation treatments are really starting to take a toll on me. AGAIN I didn't exercise today. I get up every morning with the intention of being active. After I put the baby down for a nap, I'm wiped out. Even as I type this entry I'm on the verge of passing out.

Today I had to meet my ex on my way to the hospital. He forget to put my stroller back in my car so I wouldn't have to carry that 90lbs car seat. My little punkin' doesn't feel so little anymore. Anyhoo....seeing my ex is so painful and upsetting. I hate him. I've never felt so much hatred for any one person before. It's not because I want him back or anything. Everytime I see him it reminds me of the time I wasted, and how sick and twisted he was to me. I just want him to disappear from this earth. If anyone can grant me this wish I will be eternally grateful. So after that brief meeting that made me feel even worse...that sucked even more energy out of me.

Ok so Thursdays I connect with the doctor, and we discuss any side effects I'm suffering from, and how I'm feeling...blah blah blah....and I get weighed. I'm down another 4lbs. I'm glad about that but not surprised. I can barely eat any solid food. That brings my total weight loss so far to 10lbs. It would be nice if I could continue at this pace. Come May or June I'd be super cute. I doubt that will happen though, especially since there's no physical activity involved. A girl can dream can't she?!!?

Today I had a meal reaplacement shake made with 12oz skim milk, and a whole banana, I didn't eat lunch (bad Brn Honey!) and for dinner I had a junior steak burrito from El Famous. Not exactly the healthiest thing, but I miss fast food so badly. I won't be eating this again. It was a pain to eat. I had to chew soooo long just to get the food to a consistency that wouldn't kill my throat! GRRRRRR! And as soon as I finish this post I'm headed to the fridge for a sugar free popsicle.

Day Eighteen

Still no energy today, and still no work out. I was up at 8:30 but then managed to fall back asleep until 12:30. With all this laziness I'm missing all the drama on my soaps! I have to do something to get my energy up. Maybe I need some sort of vitamins??? Last week I was talking to the doctor and he said that provided that my cancer is gone (when radiation is complete) they will remove my trach. Then I will be able to sleep like a normal person again. However that will not potentially happen until May.

On the menu today was: cream of chicken and rice soup with oyster crackers for breakfast, lunch was a protein shake made with skim milk and pineapples, and dinner was tomato soup with 1/4c. reduced fat cheese, and 6 saltine crackers.

Day Seventeen - "Love Is For SUCKERS!"

I didn't keep the promise to myself. I said I was going to do my exercise DVD......and I flaked out. I was so off today. I got up this morning at 7am, fed the baby, and gave him a bath. Then we played until his father picked him up. That was really annoying....having to see my ex on Valentine's day. Grrrrrrr! After they left it was my intention to lie down for only an hour....my head was killing me and I had no energy. I don't have the best sleep schedule so it could be that, but it could also be from radiation. OR how 'bout the fact that I can't eat a decent meal.....lol. Tomorrow is supposed to be gym day. I need to do something. I don't want to lose weight and not doing weights or some sort of toning. I don't want that flabby/saggy look.

I didn't eat much at all today. I didn't get up and shower until 30 mins before I had to leave out the door. I did make a shake to take with me. My shake was made with 1c. skim milk, 4oz. of strawberry/orange/banana juice. Then for dinner I had cream of chicken and rice soup (16oz.), and 2 popsicles. Same ole, same ole. Oh! I did attempt to eat some rice-a-roni. Wow...what a mistake! It was like swallowing razor blades!

Day Sixteen

Today was pretty boring. I got up early today. My mother started a temp position today. She usually gets up with the baby so that I can sleep in some. I don't sleep much. I have a trach that prevents me from sleeping comfortably. I fed the baby and we watched Oprah. Then I dressed myself and my baby and we headed out to the hospital for my treatments.

Can I just say that all this Valentine's Day business is making me sick to my stomach! I don't want to see another news report....another commercial....not anything else! I'm so annoyed, sad, and hurt that I have to be alone. I just want it to be over. I want to start over...but I can't due to my illness....at least not right now. I don't want to go on a date with a hole in my neck, plus I'm carrying all this extra weight from my pregnancy. I feel like such a mess....I HATE feeling this way....feeling sorry for myself.

This is day two of my forced starvation/liquid diet....lol. I ate really late in the day. I didn't have anything until I got home at 4pm. I know that's not good. I know you aren't supposed to skip breakfast....I just really didn't feel like eating this morning. Today I had approx. 16oz. of cream of chicken and rice soup, 4 slices of deli ham, and another 16oz. of cream of chicken and rice soup for dinner...oh yeah and a sugar free popsicle.

I need to start exercising. I can not get motivated. I know I would have some great results if I got my butt in the gym, or at least walked around the block...sheesh! I've even abandoned my work out DVD. Tomorrow I WILL do my 3 mile DVD tomorrow.

Day Fifteen

As expected I didn't eat much today. My throat is totally raw. Last night I had to have the attending doctor paged because I was in so much pain. She Rx'd some codine, and lidocane. The lidocane has a numbing effect on my throat so I can eat, but it still not numb enough that I can eat normally....just enough for me to get something in my stomach. I'm strictly on soft foods, shakes, and soups. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing....lol. Of course I don't want to be in pain....who does? But maybe not being able to eat all the fabulous greasy, salty food that I love and crave so much, will be of some benefit to me in the long run.

The menu today was lots of water, a protein meal replacement shake made with skim milk, half of a banana, and 1/2c. strawberries, 3 slices of deli ham, cream of chicken and rice soup, and 2 sugar free popsicles.

Yea! My sweet baby is back home....I don't know what to do with myself when he's gone!

Days Thirteen & Fourteen

I haven't updated my blog for a couple of days. Lets see if I can remember all that happened?
Friday I dropped my son off to his father. I hate weekends that I'm not with my sweet baby. My ex does not deserve the time he spends with our son. He is a dispicable person and lacks character and morals. He will never be able to teach my son how to be a responsible young man. I thank God everyday that my father is around to be a terrific influence in his life...but digress.....Since they baby was gone I spent some time at my friends house. She was supposed to help he pack up my old apartment, but I didn't have the energy to get into that. So....we did some light shopping, went out to eat, and went to the movies later that night. Her SO ended up going. I felt like a total third wheel. All it did was remind me that I an no longer part of a couple. Anyway we saw Final Destination 3. Oh my what a movie! It's one of those mindless entertainment flicks....a guilty pleasure. I loved it......LOL!

I didn't attempt to watch what I ate over the last 2 days.....because (and this is really not an excuse...lol) by Friday evening I could really start to feel the effects of my radiation treatments. And I wanted to eat some fun foods because it will be at least 7 weeks before I will be able to eat normally again. My friend and I ate at this lil hot dog joint where I ate fish nuggets and fries and a large orange Slice. At the movies the three of shared a large popcorn with extra butter. I didn't have a drink. I would have died if I had to use the public washroom. Yuk! I always avoid them if I can....dire emergencies only! Then at like 2am when I got home I ate eggplant parmesean and stuffed shells and a dinner roll AND 3 chocolate chip M&M cookies. On Saturday I ate an Italian beef with cheddar on a crossant, and cheese fries. It sooooo good but painful going down. Later that night I had a bologna sandwich with miricle whip on white bread and turkey and ham slices on the side.

Day Twelve

Well today started off good...LOL! And then it kinda went downhill in the afternoon. For breakfast I had 1c. green beans, 6oz. tuna, 1Tbs sandwich spread, 2 slices Sara Lee whole grain white bread. For lunch I had a meal replacement shake made with half of a banana and 8oz skim milk and 4oz water. This is where the problem food comes in. On my way home from treatment, I stopped and bought a large order or perch (fried)...it came with fries and garlic bread. I ate the bread but I did give half of the meal to my mother. Then around 7pm I had half a piece of eggplant lasagna (sp) which was extremely delicious, and a slice of sugar free marble pound cake (surprisingly good) With all that being said....today is Thursday and Thursday is weigh in day...and guess what I'm down another pound. I couldn't believe it! Imagine the results I would get if I put forth some more effort, and exercised! Oh yeah....and actually drink some water.

I Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

http://www.blogthings.com/whattempermentareyouquiz/

Day Eleven

Today was a good day. Today I've felt better than I have in a long time. My mind has been racing for so long...full of worry and despair. Yesterday and today I got some things off my chest....that needed to be said. Even though my words were falling upon deaf ears...I still got to express myself. I feel like I'm starting over and can now see a future.

Today was also a good day for healthy eating! For breakfast...more like brunch I had cinnamon Life cereal w/8oz skim milk, 4oz. chicken breast, and 1c. strawberries. Dinner was 1c. green beans, 6oz of tuna with 1Tbs of sandwich spread, 10 reduced fat club crackers, an orange and a sugar free popsicle.

Tomorrow is weigh day. I would love to have lost another 5lbs, but I will be happy if I maintained.

Day Ten

OK...so I'm trying to go to school, but I keep running into all these obstacles. The main issue is finacial aid. They want verification from my W-2 form and my husbands info. What's the problem you ask? My husband is the problem. He is too busy committing adultry and doesn't want to hand over the information. So I get the short end of the stick. GRRRRR! I need this. I need something to get my mind off the drama....the fact that my family is no longer in tact. Plus I need to provide for my son.

I may have over done the carbs today. Over all I didn't do too bad over all though. For breakfast I had a protein shake with strawberries, and a light bologna sandwich. Before I left for the hospital, and had a single serving of boneless skinless salmon with a table spoon of sandwich spread and 10 reduced fat crackers. For dinner I ate cinnamon life...and a little later on I had a salad with onions and a 1/4 c of reduced fat cheese, tomato soup and 10 more reduced fat club crackers. I had lots of water today not a full 64oz but very close to it.

Day Nine

Today was a good eating day. I'm so proud of myself. Not much to report. I'm a little boring...lol. Well I have drama but I choose not to post too much of it on here. My blog is about my weightloss, and I write on here to get away from my drama. I guess I should start putting some more profound thoughts on here...or at least something interesting. Anyhoo....

Breakfast: 1 1/2c. Life cereal with 8oz skim milk.

Lunch: Light bologna sandwich on Sara Lee whole grain white bread...2 slices and miricle whip

Dinner: 1 pouch of garlic and herb tuna w/miricle whip, and club crackers...10 to be exact.

I'm still working on the water thing*sigh*

Your Birth Date

It's a little late, but I thought it was cute. My birthday was January 22nd.

Your Birthdate: January 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

Day Eight

Not much to report today. I've lost my motivation. This is the second day that I didn't even attempt to eat right. I don't know what my problem is. Well....actually thats not totally true. My divorce is very depressing. I've never been so hurt and betrayed in my entire life! I never had so much hate for one person (my soon to be ex husband). It is a terrible feeling. Then I'm concerned with fighting this cancer. The drs seem to be optimistic, but still I help but worry. Anyways I will keep on until this weight loss thing clicks for me.

Today I ate a cheese quesadilla, chicken with veggies and cheese, fried perch, and many many oatmeal rasin cookies. *sigh*

Day Seven

I think I figured out why I have been suffering from headaches for that last week, good'ole aunt flow came to visit me today. Yuk! I didn't even try to eat healthy today, let alone exercise. I know shame on me! I ate at McDonalds today. I had a quarter pounder no cheese, two hamburgers and a large fry. I didn't eat all of this at once....lol. I did very well with my water though. Does that count?

Day Six

Today I feel like I need extra prayer and strength. It was a very trying day. My ex constantly stresses me. He is so igornorant it's almost unbelieveable! I have tried and tried again to make this an amicable split, but he insists on making this ugly situation. On top of that, the school I'm trying to attend is giving me grief. I fear that I may not be able to start this semester. And when I'm stressed I tend to eat. I'm trying not to feel bad, but I ate way too much, nor did I exercise. I just need to get myself together, and not let this man or any other conflicts get me down and keep me from accomplishing my goals. The devil is working over time today...woo baby!

And I want to say happy half birthday to my precious baby punkin' bear! I love my son so much, he is truly the light of my life. I thank the Lord EVERY day for giving me such a gift and a blessing.

I'm not going to even bother with a food log....I had so much junk...it's ridiculous...LOL! I'll pick back up tomorrow.

Day Five

Today has been better than the days ealier in the week. The only thing I would have changed is my wake up time. I actually slept until noon! I couldn't believe it. I had all these things I needed to do before I went to the hospital. My mother got up with the baby today which is how I got away with sleeping so late. I feel like I didn't accomplish a thing today.

Good news...I lost 5lbs! Woo Hoo..Yay Me! I couldn't believe it. Especially when I've been doing so poorly this week. But it totally motivated me to try harder and keep my eye on the prize

Brunch: chicken and veggies with 1/4 c. of reduced fat cheese, protein shake made w/8oz skim milk, and half a banana.

Snack: protein shake make w/8oz skim milk and strawberries

Dinner: more chicken and veggies w/1/4 c reduced fat cheese, 2 corn tortillas, 1/2 c. Edy's light neopolitan ice cream.

Much better menu today....still slacking on the water though.

Day Four

Yay! I exercised today! It was only for 30 mins (my DVD is 47 mins) I was tired but I had to stop due to my bad time management skills...LOL! I started the routine later than I should so I had to stop to get ready for therapy. Tomorrow I will complete the whole thing. I had said that I was going to the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. It didn't happen this week but still have Friday at least.

My food intake could have definately been better, but what else is new? I bought a few healthy things for me to eat. Money is a little tight right now. Over the weekend I'll have the means to get my kitchen proper. I'm a little concerned because my glands and throat are starting to show the effects of the radiation. The nurse told me that I probably wouldn't feel anything for a couple of weeks into it, but it varies person to person. I dread having my throat so sore that I can't eat.

Breakfast: Chicken mixed with green and red peppers and a chocolate protein shake.

Lunch: Nothing

Dinner: 3 Beef fajitas (yes I know...but I love mexican or any spicy food) with reduced fat cheese, reduced fat sour cream, and salsa verde

I did drink 4 eight ounce glasses of water. I'm half way there!